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My Wife having first Affair and she Asked for Forgiveness
Author: Sandra Summers
My wife having first affair and she asked for forgiveness. That was not an ironic but a reach out from her that she regrets what she did and is repenting. I was very hurt at that time, but I dealt with it accordingly. She did not have any deep grievance of the first offense. We talked about what our problem and why she was able to betray me. After, we have come up with a solution. Our relationship was never the same like before but what we are doing is making the bond stronger in some other way. That was a peaceful process, and we are proud and happy for it.
Even the fact that already agreed on a resolution, we also went to the process of recovery and full repent. We talked to a relationship expert and set our standard for a relationship. There we were evaluated of how we are as a husband and wife. My wife having first affair was no longer a big deal because mistakes can happen in our life, and we should learn from them. Marriage is something worth keeping and the decision we made was just right for our family. We remained strong in our own unique way. And we made sure we remained happy and friends.
For those people that are having the same issue, you should do the same thing as I did. We worked on it together and understood the consequences. Marriage experts have the keys on how to help you from finding out if your wife is having an affair to reconciliation, and also in the recovery after the affairs. My wife having first affair and it will never happen again. We made sure of that and are very definite that what we decide to be just right and firm.
For more information on My wife having first affair, visit our website http://www.getbackex.info/blog/marriageordivorce
My pregnant sister is abusing me for HER choice to a taken guy?
She didnt know..now she does at 8 months preg she is abusing me? WTF?
She is 8 months into the pregnancy and at the time she had just ended a long term relationship. She met HIM and slept with him before knowing him well to be different, then was so upset went back to her ex…but it was over.
SO THERE IS A QUESTION over parternity BUT it got her pregnant and she decided to have it as she’s 35.
The ENTIRE TIME I have been supportive, helped her pack, bought oodles of Christmas presents etc, called for an hour. He’s a drunk…he didnt want anything eg bills in his name and thinks she’s his ‘second chance.’ She is seeing some things for herself, she is classier, better with money, 10 years younger, we dont drink etc like he does and he is a bit of a put down others type…but she overlooked all this..and its not the first time she has found out someone is not seperated but sees them anyway….
After a few weeks packing up and moving he let her know he is seperated only…clearly the ex lives in the family home and has his kids. INSTEAD of allowing that I would be shocked to be told this as its different to divorced..as I was upset for her..I told mum.
THEN SHE STARTED texting me ripping down MY CHARACTER..AND MINE IS A GOOD ONE..
He didnt let his wife..who we thought was divorced…know about her…but with the army by having a ‘dependant’ he gets to live in a nice house, they pick up rent if she is on board, not in Army barracks.
I dont cheat, 2 time and definitely DONT sleep with 2 guys OR at least check if they are single…seperated or not….I dont judge her. IS IT HER GUILT that its like an affair that she is now tearing me down…after all I did for her helping her move, buying oodles of presents when I can’t afford it….buying all these cards, calling for an hour to see if she is OK…
She derided me ‘I cant be trusted’ for telling mum…what she upset me with with her news…and its upsetting to find out he is not divorced… so why is she focusing on me?
I know the c$$p of ‘its her guilt’ but I doubt it. I have a feeling he will be undermining her but its a bit much for me she is then taking it out on me giving me a ‘moral lecture’
She is the first in our family to have a kid..were all excited, but she always choses guys with baggage. I have my own plans to finish study then go abroad.
I think their is a line she HASNT considered that baby or not am tired of her bad jugement and being shocked by it. I dont want to be involved and am scared for her, I thought my presence would mean he pulls his head in..to find he has lied BUT doesnt appreciate what we have done for her.
I am tired of having my phone bombared ‘When your a guest you steal food and go through peoples things’ I dont, and havent yet this is how she acts.
Does anyone know…I assume she has defacto rights even if he is not divorced..but I would have thought the wife can take her assets also…
Regardless…to anyone who has HAD an affair..I am asking..is it HER GUILT? I know some may be the pregancy as its a bomb shell to dump this on anyone at 8 months preg BUT she always DOES go out with complicated guys.
She’s very smart, I think she likes the challenge of a complicated person and doesnt listen to warnings, doesnt appreciate our judgement or help. He was clearly hiding something and she didnt care..and we all get taken on a roller coaster.
Am I meant to be made of stone or is she making bad choices purely for the drama it creates?Now its worse then we thought. I know she may feel vulnerable but we ALL tried to show our love before she moved with him…and now she is being a bi$$ch from over there.
Why does she act like this? Even when we tell her a situation is bad news, she goes right in deeper and THEN when it fails..I am a bit over it.
I dont want to be around a baby… I was going to visit before its born …so now instead she is finding out as she said no to me visiting…now I wont be as I dont have time.
Why would I want to visit someone of accusing me of stealing their things and ‘not being trusted.’
When she left, she left half the things we loaned her in her own place, I had to write to the tenants to get them back…its like she equates eating a cup cake to becoming de facto with a married man?
Were twins..but just because of this I cant see why she thinks its OK to abuse me..I am not pregnant NOR THERE…she complained she is isolated as they know no one there..so what is going on?
Why am I the target when it blows up in her face? We have wasted time on her bad boy choices before…but this time a baby will be born.
Whats up..anyone know who is divorced or done defacto?
I can’t see myself visisting when she rejects all we do for her and throws it in my face..I just bought books for her she can’t afford and she acts like this?
WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT ON EARTH DOES DE FACTO TO A SEPERATED MAN MEA
I’ve never enjoyed having sex with my wife and It led me to an affair. Now I’m stuck and don’t know what to do?
I’ve been with my wife for almost 15 years. She was a virgin when I met her and I was not. I was her first and I did everything I could to make it enjoyable to her. It hurt her but we kept trying and eventually it got somewhat enjoyable to her. Over the first few years of our marriage I talked to her during sex asking questions and trying to get to know her body better and what makes her feel good. The only conclusion we had was that there is basically only one way she enjoys it. One position that actually works and I’ve always had to use my hands as well. Sex was always a lot of work for me to ensure she enjoyed it so my pleasure took a back seat. I had to do the same thing every time and I always just felt very frustrated that my desires were never met because if we did it any other way she would get hurt or get cramps and have to stop. Big passion killers.
When we first started having it it had been quite a while for me so i was just enjoying having sex again. But like I said after a few years of the same exact thing I became bored with it. She never initiated sex either. I always had to be the first to initiate it. But if I didn’t initiate it for a few months she would ask why we never have sex. I would say why don’t you play with me for a change? Why don’t you ever make the first move. She would say things like well your the guy.
We used to have oral sex to when we started and now she never wants to do that. She doesnt even like to french kiss. I would say over the past 10 years we may have french kissed 10 or 15 times. When we do she is terrible at it and it just doesn’t feel right.
We love eachother very much and other than that and maybe a couple other things about our relationship I would change, there was always plenty of real love for eachother. Even after 8 to 10 years of marraige i could wait to see her when i got home.
But there was always this thing that bothered me (my sexual frustration). My wife was real petite when we met. Nice body cut, nice figure. But over the years she gained weight and really let herself get plump around her belly. Couple this with only getting to have sex one way (which invlolved me always having to hands and a certain position) I became very unattracted to her sexually. Sex would happen maybe once every 4 months. That’s when I would initiate it. But I loved her dearly despite this. She was my beautiful little princess as I always called her. And even with the weight she always was very pretty. Beautiful eyes and long pretty black hair.
I would say after about 10 years of marraige we got so busy in life and I began to undergo a lot of stress on the job. I had way to many irons in the fire and I should have quit a lot of things that were stressing me out. Mainly a lot of volunteer work (good cause, but became very draining)
In that volunteer work I met a younger women (15 yrs younger) that took a lot of interest in me. She always complimented me on my looks and stuff and it was very flattering. I’ve always kept my figure well and really i go overboard with it. I’m very muscular and have a nice set of abs. I guess she liked that. We had to share contact info because we were both involved in this work along with my wife. She began to text me just to talk and I became scared because she was smoking hot. I mean perfect physique and as beautiful as they come. Innocent conversation turned into flirting which eventually turned into physical contact. I began an affair with her and I was so ashamed of myself and what I was doing to my wife but I just got addicted to this girl. I’ve continued to have a year long affair with her and she is totally honestly in love with me and wants me for ever. We have the most amazing sex I’ve ever had in my life. She just knows how to get me going every time and after a year it’s even more amazing. But she also just has that joy for the spontaneous living that I’ve always wanted. My wife has always been so conservative and no nonsense. She never does anything crazy.
I admitted to my affair. She got pissed and was up and down with emotions but in the end she wants it to work. I left her and for the last 4 months have been seeing both her and my mistress. But my mistress get’s most of the time. I would love to be in love with my wife like I have fallen in love with my mistress, but I’m not sure I can. Every time I try to have sex with my wife it’s even worse than before (not enjoyable). If i went back to her and tried to make it work, I feel I’ll always look back to my other love and miss her to the point of agony. I’ve always wanted the relationship with my wife like I’ve with the other lady, but my wife just isn’t built that way. She isn’t a sexual person and isn’t daring at all. Her body just wasn’t made to enjoy normal sex. But i love her. I know the right thing to do is go back to her and stop my cheating but do i do that and f
But love my wife I really do. I know the right thing to do is go back to her and stop my cheating but do i do that and face the rest of my life not enjoying my sex life and missing my mistress. I’m lost. I love 2 people.
It’s just a shame you couldn’t merge the two into one perfect person.
Honestly though, it’s not fair on your wife, you have to make a decision about what you really want. My boyfriend left his wife of 25 years for me because we are both what u are looking for merged into one, basically pretty much perfect for each other on all levels. But saying that, he had feel out of love with his wife a long time before we started having our affair and even then, it took him 3 years to make the decision.
If yup really love your wife, than you will either stop the affair or end your marriage and let your wife go to meet someone who is really right for her. Personally, you sound like you love your wife a Loy but have been a bit selfish recently, why not suggest some sort of sex therapy to your wife, tell her hoe you have been feeling, that you feel like leaving but that you don’t want to and during this time I think you should have space from your mistress explaining the truth to her. If you are right for each other then you will know soon enough.
But sorry man, you can’t have two woman!
I have been seperated for about 10 months, my wife had an affair, now she says she wants to save our family…
My wife and I have been married for over 12 years; we have two beautiful girls and had what I thought to be a great life, up until she had an affair.
I told her when it first happened that I would forgive her, that I didn’t want our marriage, our family, to be destroyed. She told me that she wasn’t in love with me anymore, that she loved me but she felt that she had to leave, that she loved “him”.
Now after about 10 months of being treated like crap, her introducing my kids and her family to this new man, she begs me to take her back. She tells me that she doesn’t want a divorce, that she made a mistake, that’s she’s willing to do whatever it takes to save our family; but I told her I don’t think I could do it, I think too much has happened…
I have not dated, truthfully haven’t even thought about it. What should I do? I think about how it affects my kids, what would be best for them, but them I think about myself; is that selfish? I don’t know what to think or do anymore…
After all you have been through, I certainly feel sad for you. It is mind baffeling how the ones we love can hurt us so badly and expect us to forget that pain when they find the grass isn’t so green on the other side.
Your wife certainly seems to have taken a vacation from hell. Your children, unfortunately went with her. During that time, you had to adjust to the wreckage and find out where you would go. Now here you are confused by her recent suggestions and promises.
Although she may have learned a good lesson, it is you that has the decision to make at this point. I really wouldn’t say jumping back into this is the best idea. I am sure you still love this person and obviously want to be reunited with your children. Thing is, after what she has put everyone through because of some selfish decision, she really deserves to deal with some consequences.
It is very possible that this whole situation has scared some truth into her. If you can accept everything that has happened and decide that you too want to save this relationship, then it should be some time before you actually make the decision that you will stick with. This is so confusing to your children and although they are part of these very important next steps, you should not get back with her just because of them. Your children can not make your relationship better and if you do this only for them, you may cause more harm to all involved (esp. them) if things don’t work out between you and your wife in the long run.
You are truly in a tough place. I am willing to talk more about this with you, if you would like we can email back n forth. I am not a shrink or some other professional, but I truly feel for you and would be happy to listen and chat with you about all this if you need someone.
I wish you the best and hope everything works out.
I just had an affair my wife has advised me!?
It was news to me so I need to explain.
I have a higher sex drive than my wife and it’s not normal apparently, the thing is I would like to have sex at least twice a week. According to my wife this is not normal as none of her friends are doing it that often. This comment is annoying as I know from reading study’s this is not true. For a long time I have been asking to have more sex I have suggested date nights etc only to be advised no. Sex does happen (great sex) once a week or every 10 days or so but I sometimes get the felling this is done just to shut me up as I ask so often.
For the longest time I have been telling my wife “this will become a bigger problem” only to be dismissed as I get the felling this is no problem for her if it was seen as a problem If the tables were tuned I would be told to get it sorted out as she does not stand for any problems I have to do/fix everything now.
So the “affair” I look at porn on the internet (as all guys do) and when questioned about it I admitted I had a few chats with girls and watched a few cam shows. I didn’t pay for this or meet up with anyone I would never do this, I couldn’t even tell you their names or nationalities to be honest. It was just random chat with strangers a few times, my wife now claims I had an affair and wanted me to leave home and break up my family. I know this is not what she wants as she is a loving wonderful person I just feel annoyed she would not acknowledge my frustrations as I do for any issue she has and fix whatever she wants.
I know we will always be together and she is just angry. She spends most nights on the phone to friends for hours at a time or watching soaps I sit there thinking why can she spare some time for sex instead and wonder when the next time she will allow it will be. I have looked into how to please her sexually and do everything I can and it’s great when we do for both of us just not often enough for me. Yes we have a busy life with work and family so we should find the time to be with one another more often in my eyes as this is part of marriage and fun (must be better than Easterners surely) I am very concerned that as we get older (40 now) and your sex life declines what will it be like then!
At present sex is of the menu and things are great as long as I don’t mention it everything is fantastic but if I do I get the “affair” comment its like a soap at times. I get the felling my wife is happier now she does not have to make excuses for not having sex this one universal excuse is perfect. Some previously used excuses below 90% of them have not been mentioned since the new mega excuse has been available.
1. I’m worn out (but still managed to squeeze in a good 4 hours of phone and soaps that night)
2. I have to get up early
3. Ok later tonight but then when later comes a 1 or 11 will be played
4. I’m too emotional
5. Feel sick
6. I think I am coming down with something
7. I have a sore head (classic)
8. I have a sore thigh
9. I have a sore back
10. The kids are not sleeping yet (kids in bed for 9pm)
11. Its too late at night (anytime after 10pm)
12. Sore tummy
13. Its close to my period (3 days before)
14. I have just finished my period (3days after)
15. I have been working all day (new one as only been working for a month) prior to this see above
I am interested to hear from women on my “affair” did I have one? I plan to share my findings with my wife in the hope that other peoples opinions will help. I just want to have everything a marriage can offer and be a good husband and dad, I really don’t want to be this lusty old man that’s always pestering his wife something needs to change or “this will become a bigger problem” as I keep saying.
” I plan to share my findings with my wife in the hope that other peoples opinions will help.”
Forget it! It will not help. It will only reinforce to her that she is the one in charge. You have the following options:
1) Forget about sex.
2) Give her an ultimatum. Fix your problem, or I am leaving. Tell me what you are going to do to fix the problem.
- See an endocrinologist?
- See a sex therapist?
- See a gigolo?
- Tell you what is going on? (I think that she is either having an affair, or a lesbian.)
Or you will file for divorce tomorrow.
Don’t take any excuses. All you need to say is that a sex life is important to you, and she is not adequate at all. If you wanted to live with a mother, you would have stayed home. Now you are going to have a wife, and as far as you are concerned, she might try finding one for herself as well. Also, tell her that your sexual affairs are NOT her business since she is not your lover. Further you don’t care what she thinks of that or your fake marriage.
3) Accept that your fake marriage is worth it to continue, but you need to get your sex elsewhere. Let your “wife” know that the phony marriage will continue, but from now on, your sex life is none of her business. Then, start dating other women, and never answer her questions about it. She is not your lover, and has no more right to interfere in such things than your sister does. Also, get your own bed/bedroom.
My cousin’s wife had an affair, now he is asking me for advice. He told me she is sorry and the she won’t do?
again. She said she made a mistake while she was going through a difficult time. She met a guy at work and slept with him on several occasions. My cousin told her if it happens again they are through. He’s just not sure though if he should forgive her. He said it has affected his manhood. What should I tell him?
This seems to have been an ongoing affair, which brings questions. How did your cousin find out about the affair? Did his wife come forth and voluntarily tell him, or did he catch her in the act? If she came forth voluntarily and told your cousin, then I would say that she is sincere in her apology, as she would be obviously ending the affair after realizing the damage she was doing to her marriage.
On the other hand, if your cousin had to find out about it from someone else, or actually catch her in the act, it shows that his wife was a willing participant in a developing long term affair. Many people who apologize for their actions when they get caught doing something, are usually sorry because they got caught, and not because of what they have done. If this is how it came out in the open, then I would say your cousin’s problems are just starting with his wife.
Many people have difficult times, but don’t allow it to affect their judgment. If she is sincerely sorry for her indiscretion, then her future actions will dictate whether or not she can be trusted again. If she is a person who allows every adverse situation to push her into making the wrong choices, then she is a weak person.
As for your cousin, he should realize that he is not the one with the flaw in his personal character. The manhood thing is an needy, archaic, egotistical attitude, and he should be more concerned about whether or not the trust he had in his wife can be restored. If he is going to forgive his wife, then he is going to have to bring himself around to trust her again. If he can’t, then forgiveness is a waste of time, and he should walk away.